An Expat calling Pizza Hut in Dubai

Operator: ' Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your...'

Customer: 'Salam Ale koum, can I order..'

Operator: 'Can I have your UAE identity card number please, Sir?'

Customer: ' It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610'

Operator: 'OK... you're... Mr Waleed from Syria and you're calling from Flat #402, Al Maskaan Building, Bur Dubai. Your home number is 04-3661231 04-3661231, your office number is 04-8852302 04-8852302 & your mobile number is 050-2665667 050-2665667. Where has the delivery to take place Sir?'

Customer: ' Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: ' We are connected to the system Sir'

Customer: 'May I order your Seafood Pizza...'

Operator : 'That's not a good idea Sir'

Customer: 'How come?'

Operator :'According to our medical records - you went for your check up last week to Welcare Hospital & you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir'

Customer:'What? ... What do you recommend then?'

Operator :'Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it'

Customer:'How do you know for sure?'

Operator :'You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library in Deira, last week Sir'

Customer:'OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?'

Operator :'That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Dirham 112.00'

Customer: 'Can I pay by credit card?'

Operator :'I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your First Gulf credit card is over the limit and you owe Citibank Credit card another Dirham 3,720.55 since October. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan to NBD, Sir.'

Customer: 'I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives'

Operator :'You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on HSBC ATM withdrawal for today'

Customer: 'Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?'

Operator : 'About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Honda Civic...'

Customer: 'What!'


Operator :'According to the details in system ,your Honda Civic's Registration ie Malkia is expiring in 23 days & your Gargash Insurance has already got expired last week.....

Customer:'?? ??'

Operator :'Is there anything else Sir?'

Customer: 'Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?'

Operator : 'We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... '

Customer:#$$ ^%&$@$% ^ tm kiere.....abe ytga...npiye! !!!!!!...... ....... .

Operator :'Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2008 on Dubai Hatta Road, when you wrongly overtook the BMW & you were convicted of using abusive language also on the policeman... ?'

Customer (fainted)

Operator: hello hello, are you still there....